Assignment 5:
Applying the techniques of illustration and narrative.
I have been thinking
about this assignment for a while, trying to come up with a topic for it that
would be interesting for the viewer but also means something to me. I emailed
my tutor with a couple of my ideas. The first being related to horse racing as I
am from Newmarket, the racing capital. My second was a day out I had planned
with my family to the ‘Flying Legends’ air show at Duxford. I thought that this
would mean more as we never go out at all, let alone as a family, due to my mum
having Dementia. My tutor suggested that I use my mum as the subject for the
assignment, she quite clearly means a lot to me and I could maybe do something
along the lines of ‘a day in the life’, not necessarily of mum but as my life
as a carer. I have to say that this idea had previously crossed my mind of
somehow ‘using’ her, not to fill an assignment criteria but as a way to create
understanding of a condition where many people do not realise what the
individual, or their families go through on a day to day basis. I did go to the
air show anyway as planned and used it as practice/experience for shooting the
assignment (http://gemmadorlingphotography.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/duxford-flying-legends-airshow.html
)
I happened to meet a
gentleman whilst dropping mum off at her day centre, who actually has
Alzheimer’s and was staying on the same site for a break. He said that in some
ways he found it depressing seeing other people with the disease. It got me
thinking about how ‘outsiders’ view people with the condition. For a start many
see it as something people get when they become old. This is not necessarily
true. My mum was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia three years ago at the
relatively young age of 59. No two people are the same and there is no telling
how rapid the deterioration will be. I am not going to go into a lot of
background about diagnosis etc but will focus on the here and now. Whilst she
can now no longer talk and needs help dressing and eating, she is in fact
rather happy and will give you great beaming smiles.....maybe I can approach
the subject from a brighter angle. I am very aware that I do not take as many
photos of mum, or the rest of my family, as I would like and again I feel that
if this idea does not progress then at least I will have images that I can
keep. I am hoping that in some way my images can raise awareness, providing an
accurate portrayal of what life can be like, and hopefully offer some kind of
comfort to families living with a diagnosis: that things do not necessarily
have to be all doom and gloom.
I started off by
researching what images are out there relating to Dementia in some way. Last
year Tesco chose the Alzheimer’s Society as their charity of the year and
launched a photography competition to “put Dementia in the frame” ( http://www.alzheimers-tesco.org.uk/news/103_photography_competition_launched_to_put_dementia_in_the_frame ) so maybe in some ways I have been beaten to it!
Further research proved that many of the images I came across were in keeping
with what I expected to find. An example of this would be Jonathan Stead’s ( www.jonathanstead.com )work entitled ‘Fragile Mind’ showing his
grandmother’s last few months and her struggle with Dementia. Whilst I was in a
way expecting this kind of image I did find it quite shocking to a certain extent.
Maybe this is because I can link it to my circumstances and hope that your
loved one will not end up like that. Would someone without a personal link to
the disease view it in the same way? I asked a friend his opinion on the images
and he said “the Fragile Mind images are pretty hard hitting although some
shown could be any older lady”. When we spoke about the images in ‘Withdrawn’
and ‘The beauty of confusion’ he said “I don’t really get them to be honest, I
think it’s too subtle for me”. I feel that Stead’s work ‘Withdrawn’ inspires me
more. It is about exploring the individual’s memory and about how powerful
objects can be. ‘The beauty of confusion’ again does not directly involve his
grandmother, but flowers from her garden which have been left untended and now
remain the last trace of her in the garden. I have been sat for a while debating with
myself whether this kind of image is in some way better or worse than ‘Fragile
Mind’. ‘Fragile Mind’ is more literal but I feel that in some way ‘The beauty
of confusion’ can be more saddening in the way it implies the loss. Maybe I can
‘understand’ these images to a different degree to my friend as I am
subconsciously relating them to my mum and her memory loss.
It then suddenly
dawned on me, what about other people who are either working on the same
assignment or who are taking one of the photography courses, what are their
opinions on the idea? Maybe they have some helpful comments or suggestions?
Apart from when I first started the course and introduced myself on the student
forum, I have never really posted anything. I’m not sure why, it is not as
though I do not value others input. Maybe it is all linked to confidence and
the fear of looking stupid? However, that has all changed and so I posted my idea
and what I was hoping to achieve and then waited with baited breath. Everyone
that took the time to reply was so positive in their comments and some even
gave suggestions or links they felt could be helpful. It was all very much
appreciated (link to the post can be seen here http://oca-student.com/node/88257
)
My next step has been
to start making a story/ideas board of potential photographs
(TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia). Once I had started I found that the ideas
started to flow more. As I obviously have such a direct link to my subject it
was easier to think of ideas to use, as it was possible for me to go through my
daily routine and pick out suitable options.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia1.
1/200 f4.8 ISO 3200 42mm -0.3 WB Auto
Every aspect of mum's personal care has to be
undertaken as she can no longer do it herself. Here she has just been given a
shower and hair wash so is having her hair friend by my sister. I have used
quite a fast shutter speed as depending what mood she is in she may not stay
still and all of a sudden takes off.
I have set the
aperture so that the clearest part of the image is what is seen in the mirror.
I have also paid attention to what features in the background of the photo. The
painting in the background, seen in the reflection of the mirror, was painted
my mum's dad. There are many paintings dotted around the house, some of which
used to hang in my grandparent’s house, so they are familiar and hopefully jog
her memory. Also a glimpse of other aspects of my life are shown. In the mirror
you can just make out the saddle of my exercise bike, it is not immediately
obvious what it is, I wanted the viewer to have to really look for things. On
the bookshelves there are details of my work shown with all the hydrotherapy
manuals.
Post production I
have altered the exposure slightly as I had over compensated at the time of
shooting. Where the picture was taken it is in between rooms so the room has no
window or direct sunlight so I tried the flash but this just bounced right off
the mirror and all the walls became very white, I ended up using a high ISO .
Once on the laptop the image seemed a little too light so I had overcompensated
a bit too much, hence having to alter the exposure.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia2
1/250 f4.5 ISO 320
24mm -0.3 WB Auto
Mum now has problems
swallowing and is at risk of choking. As the condition has progressed her brain
forgets what she should do in certain situations. It is better to feed her
ourselves now, she can do it a bit by herself but has a tendency to put too
much food in her mouth so is completely unable to swallow, or will lose
interest and walk off. We have found that when she has a mouth full of food, holding
an empty spoon in front of her triggers the swallowing mechanism, as shown
here.
In the background are
photos which are dotted around the house, again to trigger memory.
I have tried to shoot
quite closely here, and with other images also, to reinforce the literal
closeness to the subject. Mum also takes up slightly more of the frame than my
sister as she is the main 'subject'.
Post production I
have increased the fill light slightly as well as altering the exposure so the
image is ever so slightly lighter.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia3.
1/250 f4.8 ISO 400
45mm -0.3 WB Auto.
Here my sister is
reading a book with mum. In several of these images containing both mum and my
sister, even the clothes they are wearing have been thought out. My sister
(Abi) is in black, quite a dull colour, but mum is in bright orange. I have
done this as orange is such a vibrant colour, I really wanted her to been seen
in a bright, cheery, positive way. Also, this colour is guaranteed to catch the
eye so that again the initial focus is on her.
Mum tends to look
quite angry a lot of the time, but if you compare this image to the one of her
having her hair dried you can tell her face is more relaxed and her eyes are
smiling slightly. As she can no longer speak it is important for us to be able
to read her mood and needs by her facial expressions- much like with a baby.
This leads me on to
the choice of reading material. As you can see it is a child's book. There is
no point giving her an adult’s book and reading that to her as she loses
interest, the main idea with this book is to stimulate her with the colours and
characters. She loves any book that has children or animals which is quite a
common theme with people who have this disease. This photo has been shot very
closely to reflect how close my mum and sister are. The image has also been
lightened slightly.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia4.
1/500 f4.8 ISO 200
42mm WB Auto.
I wanted a photo of
mum doing what she normally does, with me just capturing her. I generally have
to follow her around, or at least continuously check on her, to make sure she
is ok. Her bear is also in the photo. She goes through phases of focusing on
something, this has varied from eating any food she can finder clapping her
hands repeatedly, and now she has a collection of bears and generally has one
with her. We always make sure that when she goes for respite that she takes
one. She always likes to go out into the garden so I decided to take advantage
of the lovely weather and natural light.
I also wanted to show
the lines and wrinkles on her skin, and how her face has a pale quality. Mum is
only 62 but looks older and has aged rapidly because of the Dementia.
I set the aperture to
slightly blur the background, again so the focus is on mum.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia5.
1/200 f5.6 ISO 1600
98mm WB Auto
In the afternoons mum
usually goes for a nap so I have an hour or so to tidy the house up or work on
my photography. Mum gets tired more easily now, especially if she goes out for
the day. When she is really tired she gets grumpy, but after a lay down she
will be all smiles. I took this photo just before drawing the curtains and
leaving her in peace, after following her around with the camera most of the
day. The day had become quite gloomy at this point and using the flash just
washed the colour out of mum’s skin so again I have used a higher ISO.
I have altered the
fill light slightly but apart from that the image has not been touched.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia6.
1/8 f22 ISO 200 18mm
With this image I
wanted to illustrate how mobile mum is. A lot of people think that Dementia
sufferers sit in a chair all day, but mum is not like that. We used to call her
the fastest Dementia patient ever! Although, to be honest, she had slowed down
quite a bit but will still regularly make trips up and down the garden to the
greenhouse at a fair speed, just to look around inside it.
I chose to use a slow
shutter speed and pan from left to right as she walked back down the garden to
the house. I wanted to create and exaggerate the feeling and appearance of
speed. I had attempted this shot over many days (hence the different outfit)
until I finally got this one. I had to shoot using the shutter priority setting
which then alters the aperture setting itself, I find this rather irritating. I
have tried to shoot on the manual setting but the shutter speed would not go
low enough. With the other images either mum randomly stopped or changed
direction which did not provide the image I was hoping for, or I would set the
shutter speed way too slow. I have also taken this photo with a wide angle as
zooming in too much made it impossible to follow her as you cannot predict her
direction. A too slow shutter speed resulted in too much light being let in so
the image was very over exposed, but the background also became impossible to
identify and I wanted it to be obvious that she was outside in the garden.
Ideally I would have liked mum to of been a little clearer but overall I am
pleased with this shot. I am a little disappointed that the sun behind me has
created areas of brightness on mum, but I could not shoot a better image and I
really wanted to include this idea.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia7.
1/25 f5.6 ISO 1000
92mm +1.0 WB Auto
We are unsure how
much mum actually understands when we speak to her as she obviously cannot
reply. This means that if you give her an instruction that she either has no
idea what we expect of her, or she just ignores us. So if we want her to go
somewhere we generally have to lead her by the hand. She will also hold her
hand out to people or try to take hold of your hand which is why I have
included this shot. I wanted a close up of the hands to show how aged her skin
has become. I particularly wanted to show her left hand with her wedding band
because she is not only my mum, but my dad’s wife.
I took this shot in
both portrait and landscape. On the camera I thought that I would be using the
portrait version, it just looked ‘better’. However, once on the laptop and I
was able to look properly I much preferred the landscape version. Something as
simple as holding the camera differently really changes the feel of the image.
With it in landscape I feel that it focuses in on the hands much better and the
frame mirrors the position of the arms. The slow shutter speed, high ISO and
altering the exposure were all to make the image lighter as outside was
completely black, we were expecting a downpour. The image was also taken quite
early in the morning so the sun hadn’t had a chance to get up either. This is
one of my favourite images in the assignment mainly as I like the composition.
TAOPPart5Assignment5Dementia8.
1/10 f5.6 ISO 400
105mm WB Auto
Thinking about my
choice of assignment as a whole, I had thought about various things that people
use to remember something. It led me on to the old fashioned idea of tying a
knot in a handkerchief to remember something. Do people still do this? If it
were me I would be looking at my handkerchief struggling to remember why the
knot was there.
I originally decided
that as the handkerchief is white, that I would shoot on a black background.
This turned out not as I was hoping as it meant that you could not see the
shadow created. I then thought that shooting on white instead would show the
shadow and create a nice, clean look. This went much better. I positioned a
lamp to the right towards the back of the set and covered it with a diffuser.
Without the diffuser the shadow was much too harsh. Also the handkerchief is
silk so the was a lot more reflection off it. I wanted some reflection however,
so that it gave more texture to the image. I have used a slow shutter speed to
let in more light as I wanted to keep the ISO quite low. There was too much
noise on the image otherwise. Post production I have sharpened the image
slightly and also cropped a little of the bottom of the photo. This was because
once on the laptop the image appeared a little too top heavy.
Conclusion.
I think that I have
enjoyed shooting this assignment more so than any of the others, probably
because the subject is close to my heart and is a chance for me to show a
little of what I do day to day. I feel that I have set out what I wanted to do,
and have drifted a little by showing the handkerchief but I think that it
rounds things up well and shows my thought process.
I have also found it
quite challenging in some respects, because I am so close to the subject. I
have need to be much more patient and think things through well. I have
generally been unable to use a tripod in any of the images that have mum in
them because she does not sit still long enough to set something up. I have
also had to be organised much faster than I would have been if I had been
shooting a still life. I think that the practice runs I had done and the air
show had actually helped me as while I was there I needed to be ready quickly.
I have had the white
balance set to auto throughout the assignment, I did try taking images using
the other white balance settings but at the end of the day the white balance
auto was the most accurate to how things actually looked.
I hope that I have
explained why I have made certain decisions and shown the thought that has gone
into producing each image. I have done much more research on the subject and
other photographers prior to shooting and that has been beneficial in helping
me decide my way forward and how I want each image to look.
You may have noticed
that there are days where I have taken quite a few photos and then there are
quite big gaps before I have taken any more. This is basically because since I
started this assignment we have had quite a lot of respite with mum going away
for 10 or 11 nights at a time. When she has been back I have been working
shifts so it has been a case of taking photos as and when we have been
available as well as when mum has been up to it. At the same time I don’t feel
I have been rushed during this assignment because I have planned it so much
more than the others. Knowing what you want to achieve in your mind, but at the
same time not being afraid to stray from your plan as ideas progress is the way
forward for me when it comes to the assignments. I don’t think that I have
really gone into ‘assignment mode’ this time and I feel much happier with what
I have produced.
I have been continuously
been revisiting all of the photos, particularly when I have not been taking
anymore. I wanted to be completely happy with everything before submitting it.
Some of the pictures
have not been shot in order of how I do things day to day, I have had to adapt
and work with what mum wants to do at any given time. This has been quite a
challenge sometimes as I like to be very organised and I have had to be almost
laid back about getting the images I want, accepting that they will have to be
as and when.
The brief called for between 6-12 photos. I have produced 8, this is because I have shot everything that I wanted to.
I think that the most
important thing that has come out of this assignment is the time I have spent
with mum and the fact that I will always have these photos.
